A Life Worthy of His Call

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 (New Living Translation): So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord, Jesus Christ.
I'm having a really hard time summarizing what I experienced at Shine (which is the annual women's conference hosted by our church). This year's experience was like no other, and it's been difficult to find words to describe it (although my husband may beg to differ; I've been talking about it to him non-stop).  I wrote an entire post about it, but I ended up deleting it.  It didn't "click" with what I really wanted to say. Then this morning as I was reading my Bible, I came across the passage above.  It summarized for me perfectly the "treasure" I came out of the conference with: A treasure-chest full of challenge, motivation, confidence, and courage.  When I first began this blog, I mentioned that God is calling me to increase my boldness.  Courage was the main theme of this year's conference.  I know that was not a coincidence.
The speakers were amazing.  They challenged us to wake up and open our eyes to what's going on around us.  We are in midst of a broken and hurting world; God wants to use us to reach out and help.  They motivated us to not stay within our comfortable lifestyle - that is not the ultimate destiny for our lives. We must trust and follow God...wherever He leads us.  They imparted us with confidence that we can be all that God called us to be.  This "calling" goes way beyond our temporal issues or our immediate surroundings. It's not about having a "local" Christianity: a nice home with 2.5 kids and going to church every week, talking the Christian talk and busying ourselves with church activities. They may be good things, but we are called for so much more than that. We are called to do great things for God. We are called to be a light in the darkness.  We are called to make a difference in this world.  Finally, they imparted us with courage that we can lead a life worthy of this calling.
I came out of it ready to conquer the world!  But wait...I'm still me, a wife and a stay-at-home mommy to two little girls.  How can I apply what I learned practically in my everyday life? God still wants me to be diligent in the post He assigned me to: Seek God first daily, be the best wife and mom I can be, be a loyal friend, stay involved in the ministries of my church, and share Christ's love in the daily realms I encounter (such as in my classroom or with extended families/friends). But I've also been challenged to go beyond my usual realms.  I want to do more to reach out to this broken world, starting with my city/community. A thought popped into my head that perhaps I can visit convalescent or retirement homes with the girls.  What a blessing their presence will be to the people there, and what better way to introduce my girls to the cause of Christ we are committed to as a family.
After Shine, there also was a shift in my attitude of what our future is "supposed" to be like. I no longer picture a comfortable, risk-free life that's all planned out.  That used to be my dream.  I figured, we have our two girls now, we'll adopt two more (a desire God placed in our hearts a few years ago), we'll eventually buy a bigger car & house, we'll continue to have a great marriage, our children will be well-behaved, and there...everyone is happy.  While they are not bad things to hope for, I now know that God has so much more in store for my life.  It's not about what I want. What I want is so limited, temporal, and predictable.  What God has for me is limitless, eternal, and totally unpredictable.  THAT's the extraordinary adventure I want!
After we had our most recent baby, I began to scare my husband by saying I may want to birth another "baby" before we adopt.  I then went to the Shine conference, and God confirmed my desire to adopt.  I sent my hubby this text: "You can relax now, God gave me another confirmation that we're supposed to adopt." His reply: "I was never worried. God may give us confirmation to birth the next Billy Graham in 5 years. Who are we to question Him?" He already was on the same page, and he didn't even attend the conference!  Who are we to know what the best plan for our lives is? Who are we to question what God brings our way? God's plans, unlike ours, are not based on emotions or temporal hypes or limited mindsets.  At this point, we have no idea how many children God has in store for us (through my womb or someone else's).  I don't know yet the details of how I will be able to make a difference in this world...this week, this month, this year, and beyond.  Nevertheless, my response to God is same as that of Isaiah, "Here am I. Send me."  Everyday, God, show me, prompt me, lead me, use me...wherever You can, in whatever capacity You choose. I want to live a life worthy of Your calling.

The Art of Losing Control

Matthew 10:38-39 The Message: If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.
I grew up as an only child. I am an expert at looking after myself.  I'm used to having control of my own life.  A few nights ago, at 5 a.m., I became incredibly aware of how all of that is in the past now.  Peanut was up at 3 a.m. that night, which was very unusual for her.  She had always been a good sleeper at night.  Lately, she's had a tiny bit of trouble going to sleep and staying asleep; it may have something to do with not having a pacifier anymore.  LittleBit is still waking up at least once at random times in the middle of the night, and sometimes it's really hard for me to go back to sleep, even after she had gone back to sleep.  My husband and I are learning how much work it takes to get on the same game plan in regards to disciplining Peanut. In addition, my body was adjusting to new birth control and we were about to start potty-training Peanut.  With all these factors combined, I was absolutely overwhelmed that night.  This was what I wrote on my journal: Anxiety and frustration seem to be my best friends these days. I still want my life to go the way I want...easy. Right now, probably more than ever, I'm sensing the feeling of "not having control," and it's frustrating and even scaring me.
Then the Holy Spirit led me to the story of Mary & Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Mary was hanging on every word Jesus said. Nothing else mattered to her, except to be completely engrossed in His presence. Martha was "fussing far too much and getting herself worked up over nothing." I was definitely being like Martha.  I needed to be like Mary, and like the passage above, I needed to forget about all my concerns and simply look to Jesus. This was how I ended my journal entry that night: If I just look at myself, I want to organize, solve, and control everything (and get frustrated that I can't). But if I look to Jesus, if He's the primary focus in what I'm going through, I find my answer, I find my peace, and I know I'll be OK. Lord, I do want to go all the way with You, through thick and thin. It's not about having an easy and cozy life. It's about the extraordinary. It takes sacrifice; it takes perseverance. Most of all, it takes hanging on Your every word. It takes simple trust; it takes surrendering my control over to You.
Just because I readjusted my focus (yet again),  it doesn't mean my anxiety and frustration automatically go away. We had a rough start to Peanut's potty-training, and I was ready to pull my hair out. However, what I gain by turning to Jesus instead of looking after myself is His peace. He calms me down, every time, with His love.  He also shares with me a little bit more of His purpose and His perspective.  I was reminded that my children are not hindrances to having an easy life for myself, but they are pure gifts that I've been entrusted with.  Potty-training is going much better now, and I've thoroughly enjoyed the extra one-on-one time I've had with Peanut the last few days. I've been able to witness amazing capabilities in her that I hadn't noticed before.  LittleBit is a dream baby, and a direct answer to my prayers. Most of my attention was given to Peanut for potty-training, and LittleBit had no trouble at all being left alone.  She kept smiling away (amazing!).  I have the most helpful husband, who is incredibly affectionate towards all of his girls :) They are all healthy. What more could I ask for? How indescribably blessed I am.  How different my life looks through Mary's eyes than through Martha's. How extraordinary my life becomes once I learn the art of losing control.