Happy Father's Day

Here are a few of the many special things about our Daddy. This was written by Mommy, but I know the girls are blessed by them, too.

1. After a long day of work, Daddy always sits on the seat next to LittleBit's highchair so that he can feed her. He knows that Mommy had to feed her throughout the day, and she is ready to sit down and actually enjoy a warm meal.
2. When Daddy sees either of his girls, his whole face lights up and enthusiastically shouts, "Hi, Beautiful!" like he's never seen anything so precious in his life. I love that they'll never have to doubt their worth and true beauty, because they've been told by their daddy how beautiful they are every single day of their lives.
3.  All of us love the fun Parry lingo Daddy started in our family, like "Tootie-kissie" and "Bear (ROAR) Hug" and "Noggin."
4. Whenever possible, Daddy gets Peanut up and has breakfast with her. One of her favorite things to do is to "have cereal with Daddy." I love watching the two of them sit next to each other and throw cheesy smiles at each other as they eat their bowl of cereal.
5. Daddy slowly drives away from the house in the morning, so Peanut can wave to him from the window.
6. When we go to parties, Daddy always makes sure to keep the girls busy so that Mommy can get food and eat (hmm, this post has been very revealing about how much Mommy loves to eat).
7. Whenever possible, Daddy lets the girls help him with his projects/tasks.
8. Daddy loves to get on the floor and play with them! This does not come naturally for Mommy, so I'm thankful that they have such a fun Dad.
9. Daddy ALWAYS has Mommy's back (especially when it comes to discipline). Daddy and Mommy are always on the same team.
10. For all of these and more, we think our Daddy is the very best God chose for us, and we can't thank Him enough! Happy Father's Day!

Dreams for My Children

As the holidays approach, it’s sometimes easy to get consumed in the “busyness” and lose sight of what’s really important. We spend so much time preparing costumes, decorating the house, preparing big feasts, etc. I’m not saying it’s wrong to focus on holiday traditions.  In fact, family identity is often strengthened through traditions.  However, as with all things, we must keep a balanced perspective of what’s temporal and what’s eternal. This year, more than ever before, God has pressed firmly on my heart that the “here and now” is not our eternal home. This life is only temporary. The costumes, the decorations, the gifts, and the feasts will all fade away.  My child’s spirit will last forever.  I know that holiday traditions do play a role in building security in my child’s spirit…they help her to know she has a family full of love and laughter.  But does she also know about giving as much as receiving? Does she know about serving as much as being entertained?
I do not throw the best birthday or holiday parties. I do not know how to sew, so I don’t even try to make my children’s costumes. My cooking skill is only so-so, and I do not know many nursery rhymes.  I realized though that these things fall more into the “temporary” category. They are not bad things to focus on, but at the end of the day, I want to make sure I’ve spent more time and energy on eternal values. How did I help my child to experience God’s love today? How is she learning to demonstrate virtues such as self-control and kindness? How did I help her to cultivate healthy relationships? During the holiday seasons, I want our family traditions to look like this: we have fun going trick-or-treating, then the following weekend we always participate in the Be Her Freedom Run as a family. We enjoy a big feast with our extended families for Thanksgiving, and we visit the elderly people who do not have a family.  For Christmas, the children choose one item they received to give away to a child who didn’t receive any gifts.
My dream is that my children will become world-changers for God. My dream is that when they grow up, they will say, “My mother made our holidays fun, but more importantly, she paved a way for me to discover all that God has called me to be.” My dream is that they will impact their children’s lives for eternity.
Lord, help me to use every moment I have with them to make this dream into a reality.

The Heart of Who I Am

This was another article I wrote for our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) newsletter this month.
As women, we sometimes struggle with all the different hats we have to put on. We are moms, wives (or if you’re a single mom, you have to be a “dad” also), daughters, friends, employees, etc.  For every person that we encounter, we seem to have to put on a different hat.   We have to remember though, that these are “roles” that God has given us, and none of them alone defines who we are.
Recently my husband and I had an opportunity to discuss our faith with family members who do not share the same faith.  Just the thought of sharing my faith used to scare me.  However, as I explained to the best of my ability who Jesus is to me and why the Bible is so important to me, something inside of me was “unleashed.” I believe it was my heart. The “heart” of who I am was revealed in what I said, and I believe God was smiling at me as if to say, “That’s it! I want you to show more of your heart to everyone around you.”  The truth is, if God really is everything to me, if He’s at the center of who I am, then He will be revealed in my speech and actions, as I unveil more of my heart to everyone around me.  God desires for each of us to be more intentional at doing this, despite whichever hat we’re wearing.
Now we spend a lot of time wearing the “Mom” hat. I’ve been seeking guidance from God on how I can reveal more of my “heart” to my 2-year-old.  One of the ways is that I always make sure I pray with her throughout the day when I need God’s help.  I want her to know that God is my strength.  I also try to explain my heart behind every discipline, even if she may not understand all of what I’m saying.  I don’t want to simply focus on molding her outward behavior; I want her heart to connect with mine…and ultimately with God’s heart.  I say to her, “It’s important to obey Mommy and Daddy, because it will help you to obey God. He loves you and has the best plan for you, and you will receive all the blessings He has for you as you learn to obey Him.”
1 Samuel 16:7 says, “People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” People will naturally see first the “role” that we play.  It will take more effort on our part to reveal the “heart” of who we are.  But if Jesus is at the heart of who we are, too much is at stake to not reveal it.

Discover Your Child

This is an article I wrote for our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) newsletter this month.
As we just kicked off our summer semester with MOPS, I’m excited to see what this new season will bring to us individually and to our group as a whole.  Summer can be a challenging season for some of us.  If you have older children, they may be home more during summer, which means you will have to come up with more creative activities to occupy their time. If you are like me and love to stick with routines, summer season can often mess up our usual schedule, and we find ourselves needing to be more flexible.
Whatever kind of summer we may be facing, I thought it wouldn’t hurt for us to have a simple goal in mind as we begin our summer season with our little ones: DISCOVER YOUR CHILD(REN). Those were the words God brought to my attention as I thought about my summer with my girls.  I looked up the definition of “discover,” and among them were the following: find something or someone unexpectedly or in course of a search, become aware of a fact or situation, be the first to find or observe, be the first to recognize the potential of.  Mothers, can we ask for any higher calling than this? How blessed are we, that we can be the first to recognize the potential of our children.
“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve (or discover) the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ” (Philippians 1:9-10, italics mine).  I love the Amplified Bible version of this last verse: “So that you may surely learn to sense what is vital, and approve and prize what is excellent and of real value [recognizing the highest and the best].”  When I apply this principle to motherhood, I think of God entrusting us to discover the hidden treasures He placed in our children when He made them.  Not only are we to discover them, but we are to prize or celebrate them.
It’s easy to get busy in the chaos of summer and lose sight of this important task.  But in midst of the chaos, let’s stop and watch: what kind of things really excites your child? What is he passionate about? What are her God-given qualities? What breaks your little one’s heart?  Let us discover these things, and pray for guidance on how we as mothers can celebrate these hidden treasures and polish them for God’s glory.

The Art of Losing Control

Matthew 10:38-39 The Message: If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.
I grew up as an only child. I am an expert at looking after myself.  I'm used to having control of my own life.  A few nights ago, at 5 a.m., I became incredibly aware of how all of that is in the past now.  Peanut was up at 3 a.m. that night, which was very unusual for her.  She had always been a good sleeper at night.  Lately, she's had a tiny bit of trouble going to sleep and staying asleep; it may have something to do with not having a pacifier anymore.  LittleBit is still waking up at least once at random times in the middle of the night, and sometimes it's really hard for me to go back to sleep, even after she had gone back to sleep.  My husband and I are learning how much work it takes to get on the same game plan in regards to disciplining Peanut. In addition, my body was adjusting to new birth control and we were about to start potty-training Peanut.  With all these factors combined, I was absolutely overwhelmed that night.  This was what I wrote on my journal: Anxiety and frustration seem to be my best friends these days. I still want my life to go the way I want...easy. Right now, probably more than ever, I'm sensing the feeling of "not having control," and it's frustrating and even scaring me.
Then the Holy Spirit led me to the story of Mary & Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Mary was hanging on every word Jesus said. Nothing else mattered to her, except to be completely engrossed in His presence. Martha was "fussing far too much and getting herself worked up over nothing." I was definitely being like Martha.  I needed to be like Mary, and like the passage above, I needed to forget about all my concerns and simply look to Jesus. This was how I ended my journal entry that night: If I just look at myself, I want to organize, solve, and control everything (and get frustrated that I can't). But if I look to Jesus, if He's the primary focus in what I'm going through, I find my answer, I find my peace, and I know I'll be OK. Lord, I do want to go all the way with You, through thick and thin. It's not about having an easy and cozy life. It's about the extraordinary. It takes sacrifice; it takes perseverance. Most of all, it takes hanging on Your every word. It takes simple trust; it takes surrendering my control over to You.
Just because I readjusted my focus (yet again),  it doesn't mean my anxiety and frustration automatically go away. We had a rough start to Peanut's potty-training, and I was ready to pull my hair out. However, what I gain by turning to Jesus instead of looking after myself is His peace. He calms me down, every time, with His love.  He also shares with me a little bit more of His purpose and His perspective.  I was reminded that my children are not hindrances to having an easy life for myself, but they are pure gifts that I've been entrusted with.  Potty-training is going much better now, and I've thoroughly enjoyed the extra one-on-one time I've had with Peanut the last few days. I've been able to witness amazing capabilities in her that I hadn't noticed before.  LittleBit is a dream baby, and a direct answer to my prayers. Most of my attention was given to Peanut for potty-training, and LittleBit had no trouble at all being left alone.  She kept smiling away (amazing!).  I have the most helpful husband, who is incredibly affectionate towards all of his girls :) They are all healthy. What more could I ask for? How indescribably blessed I am.  How different my life looks through Mary's eyes than through Martha's. How extraordinary my life becomes once I learn the art of losing control.

Fear of the Unknown Part 2

I had another encounter with the same fear; this time with my younger daughter LittleBit. I know that there are so many different approaches mothers use when dealing with a newborn baby, and different approaches work for different mothers.  For me, especially after my first newborn experience, the Babywise methods work best, and that's what I try to follow during the baby stage and beyond.  I like structure, and I like following clear instructions.  To the best of my ability, I followed the Babywise instructions for my first child, and she was sleeping through the night by 8 weeks.  I was determined to reach the same goal with my second daughter.  LittleBit is almost 8 weeks now, and although she's not doing badly at night, sometimes she still wakes up around 3 or 4 in the morning.  Her night sleeping pattern seems to be more unpredictable than my first daughter. This past week, she slept through the night some nights and woke up during the wee hours on other nights.  I tried to remember that every baby is different and also that she's not even 8 weeks yet.  On the Babywise book it said most of the babies who follow their methods average about 7-8 hours at night by Week 8.  This is where my perfectionist tendencies come into play.  If groundwork is laid for how things are supposed to be, I have to hit that mark and nothing less.  I was never able to settle for a "B" as my grade all throughout school.  I believe it's not a bad thing to strive for excellence, but in my case it was more like a selfish obsession that was birthed out of my pride.
Last night LittleBit woke up at 3 A.M. She was making little noises (not quite crying yet), so I walked towards her bassinet and turned the vibrating machine on to see if she would just fall back asleep.  As I climbed back into bed, I was wide awake because I was so anxious.  Will she start crying? When will she start sleeping through the night regularly? I couldn't go back to sleep.  I sensed this strong urge that I needed to turn to my Bible.  So at 3 A.M., I turned on the light and started reading the Bible. I first turned to one of my favorite passages in Philippians (4:6-7 The Message): Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life (italics mine). I needed God to settle me down!
I also turned to Matthews 6:30-33 (The Message): What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met (italics mine). How true this was for me; I do know God and how He works. I was preoccupied with getting it right according to the books (not to mention getting more sleep for myself!).  So what if she doesn't sleep through the night yet? God knows her needs as well as mine, and He knows I am trying my best with the resources I've been given. As long as I concentrate on His reality, His initiative, and His provisions, He will make sure that all my needs and concerns are met.
What I needed more than anything last night was His peace. When I read those passages and prayed, as always, His peace came.  I slept well the rest of the night, and you know what else? LittleBit slept until morning as well:) That was an extra blessing, but I know I will be OK if she wakes up in the middle of the night tonight.  God knows best, not me.  I think that's what this "fear of the unknown" is about; it comes from my desire to have my life controllable and predictable.  But that's not the road that will take me through an extraordinary adventure.  I need to daily surrender my control, and allow God to unfold His extraordinary miracles in my life.

Fear of the Unknown

It’s comical the kind of things you become anxious about when you’re a mother.  My daughter Peanut has been using a pacifier for nap time and bedtime since she was a newborn.  We all know too well how fast time flies; she turned two last month.  I thought to myself, “Should she still be using a pacifier? When do I take it away?”  She never used it while she’s awake, so I was never too concerned about it.  Recently I noticed that it was causing some rashes below her mouth when she would drool a lot. I figured it was time to take the pacifier away. I was dreading what kind of reaction this would produce from my Peanut; from what I could tell, she was pretty attached to it as a tool for falling asleep.

I began to have some anxious thoughts about this: Will she cry a lot, and if so, for how long (did I also mention she’s been a Drama Queen from Day 1?).  Will she be able to fall asleep? Will she be waking up in the middle of the night? Why did I not take it away sooner? It’s crazy how your mind can run so fast when it’s fueled by anxiety. 

Then we went to church last night and heard a message from Pastor Chris.  He talked about how to lose control of your own life and allow God to have control. He said we had to surrender our fears to God, and one of the fears he mentioned was “fear of the unknown.” That’s exactly what I had. He said we must commit to prayer and to obey God no matter what.  Lastly, he said we must trust God for the outcome and don’t take it (our trust) back. I looked up the Bible passage he shared from one of my favorite translations, the Message Bible. Isaiah 26:3 says, “People with their minds set on you, you keep completely whole, Steady on their feet, because they keep at it and don't quit. Depend on God and keep at it, because in the Lord God you have a sure thing.”

I decided today was the day. I was still a little anxious before her nap, but when we put her in the crib, I prayed over her.  I made a conscious effort to release my worry to God and to trust Him for the outcome. She asked once, “Bunky?” (that’s how she says “Binky”).  I told her she was not a baby anymore and to have a nice nap.  To my big surprise, she did not cry at all and fell asleep shortly (as I watched from her video monitor).  We had just put her to bed for the night as I type this, and again she seemed to have no trouble.  What a relief!

Today’s experience made me think of another passage from the Bible: You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better? (Matthew 7:11 The Message).  If I’m having such a hard time taking away something she likes and potentially making her sad, how much more does God hate to see us sad? Yet, like I had to do today, God does what’s best for us, not always what we think we want or need.  How much of a relief we can bring to God when we respond positively to the changes He brings our way, like Peanut did for me today.